


Apocalypse Please

by 5BPencil



Category: My Chemical Romance, The Used
Genre: But nothing too dramatic, End of the World, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9250445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5BPencil/pseuds/5BPencil
Summary: It's the end of the world and a promise from remote past preoccupies Gerard's mind.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First POV, Gerard's

The world is ending.

Again.

It's not a millennium phenomenon or Mayan prophecy this time.

It's, like, legit. 

From what I see on TV, and now it makes most of the news, there's been that massive clump of dark matter passing near the sun that caused comets pulling off it and going vagabond in Milky Way. They've been crashing down to some planets and satellites every once in a while. And now one (that is named Bochkareva, probably after the guy who first noticed it) is on it's way to Earth. And you might think "how much could a comet harm a planet? In several billions of years the earth has existed, that must have happened before, right? And it still exists!" 

They say, those white lab coats guys on TV, that the radiation and eathquakes to come are more of a problem than the collision itself. That it will trigger a chain of volcanic eruptions and cause mutations in life forms. And that may not wipe out the life on Earth but Homo Sapiens will sure extinct, just like dinosaurs did before. 

You know, those guys who enjoy spreading speculations are working hard again. There are countless nonexistent 'safe places' and 'shelters' people are trying book reservations for. I don't mean to look down on anyone but, why the fuck? Some people can't take a hint, I guess. Or maybe I'm just morbid enough to accept death so easily, I don't even know. 

I'm just sitting with my mom all day and we mostly talk about our pasts and watch TV and talk again. That was not why I came to New Jersey in the first place but I'm glad I did. Both mom and I would be very lonely if I didn't. 

Yeah, maybe I'd prefer company of guys or Lindsey and Bandit over her but that doesn't matter anymore. We kind of broke up. And by kind of broke up, I mean the band split and Linds and I got a divorce. 

I missed out on the start of that The World Is Ending train when I was filing for divorce. It was very easy to ignore when I had my life crashing down on me. 

After the divorce, still wanting to block out everything in the world, I went into studio. It was good until workers started quitting one by one and we didn't have the technic crew to record anymore. The company so politely told me to fuck off until after the "End of The World" and that's when I actually started taking it serious. Yeah, it was forced onto me like that. 

It didn't take long for me to realize how crazy people went with those news. It was chaotic. 

It is chaotic. 

People kill "that one fucker" they always wanted to kill, they quit their jobs and have their retirements early either closing down in their homes or, if they don't have savings for such a thing, they steal and mind their own indulgences. 

The first people I talked to about that was Mikey, other than cheekily off-topic reporters of course. And he told me that he wanted to have a nice family time till the end. It warmed my heart instantly. But then it turned he meant his wife and their child. Not me. Cool, yeah I understood. 

Not wanting to bother Lindsey with such a thing, because despite everything I still have respect and more than a little love for her in me, I packed and came to New Jersey. Of course I left an open door for her but I doubt she will even think of it. I think she might be with Kitty now, I don't know. 

Now my time here mostly consists of resenting my life to be honest, but I don't tell mom about it. 

Perhaps it's because I am faced with the solidly limited time or something, I want to make every wrong right. Yeah with the life I led, I couldn't complete it but doing nothing is not any better. So I made a checklist to ease my mind and keep me busy. 

At first I met my ex Katherine. She was the first real girlfriend I had. She stuck with me for years when I wasn't famous or successful or cool or anything. I think it was kind of upstart of me to let fame get into my head and get noncommittal with her all of a sudden.

I still don't know what I expected to get out of that meeting. She explained, longly, how I was an asshole at the time and I told her that I agreed with her. I think that lifted a good weight off our shoulders, though. 

I met Brian Schechter when I heard he was in the town. I think we owed him a lot, as a band. My bandmates were all talented guys but Brian was the glue that kept us together for years. When he went away, we fell apart. Not even metaphorically. 

I met Frank, too. He was the same Frank. He was kind of bummed he couldn't have a show at the upcoming Fateful Day as now we call it. He also added that they didn't watch TV at home anymore and just spent their finite time together with mind peace.

The family Frank and Jamia created always made me bewildered. Like, it kind of fooled me into thinking maybe I could do that, too. Maybe it was the real source of constant happiness that I always lacked in my life and I would have to go for it. 

But now I think I just wasn't cut out to be a family guy. Bandit loves me but I can see that I'm not the male equivalent of a mother for her, I'm just some dude who's been there. Maybe that's a good thing, I bet she doesn't miss me much now. Good thing. Selfless, Gerard. Yeah. 

What was I saying? 

Yeah I met Frank. I met Ray, too. He actually visited me and mom. I presumed I'd get teased for it, you know, living with mom again. And maybe, if it wasn't Ray, I really would get shit, who knows. But Ray was the same, too. That good guy with so much symphaty that it could save the world if it could be transformed into a radiationproof glass dome over the sky. 

Wait, that wouldn't work.

Comet would break it too. 

What the fuck am I debating? The guy sat there with his wise smile and talked like we had all the time in the world. Nothing could break him or anything to do with him. 

While not having given thought to it when I was with Frank, I suddenly developed an urge to apoligize to Ray for the band's split. I don't know why, maybe because Frank already had other projects at the time and Ray was left with almost nothing. 

I don't substantially think that was why but I can't come up with a better reason now. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't know.

Yeah, long story short Ray is the coolest friend I've ever had. 

I'd throw myself at him if I were a woman. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not selective when it comes to genitals but some people are and I respect that. 

After putting a tic next to Ray's name on my checklist, I decided I couldn't go on and got rid of that list. 

I don't even know why I put Eliza and Bob there, like, can I please explain this to me? 

I thought so, too. 

I gave myself to TV and long conversations with mom over coffee again. It felt sort of relieving, as if a break, not having that checklist on my mind. 

When my senses were free of it's concern, I remembered the actual inducement behind my checklist.That made me scrunch up my face and it made mom laugh and ask me what I thought of. 

I made that list so I wouldn't think of Bert.

"It's Bert. Bert McCracken." I whispered, lifting my gaze to her face. 

Mom was surprised to hear his name. I don't remember talking to her about him after we went sour. She always loved him. I think it was her mother instinct or something. Bert was a twenty-one year old lost boy when they met. She must have seen the scared child who filled his tiny frame with adultly poisons like alcohol and drugs to run away from this life that was too hard on him. 

I wish I too saw that at the time. 

Or interpreted it better. 

I'm doing it again. Dwelling on past. 

Breathe in. Deeply breath in. 

Yeah, better.

Mom asked me "What about Bert?"

I didn't want to go into detail. "You know, we made peace, all that shit in the past was a big misunderstanding."

Most of it was misunderstanding. Some of it was my fault. Some of it was his. 

She didn't want to drop the subject. "When did you meet him? I'd want to see him too." 

"Um, it was long ago actually. Right before I got married to Linds." I rubbed my right eye with the heel of my hand. "I just-I would like to see him again, you know, before..." I gestured at the TV.

" Oh." Her face wore an unreadable expression. She was thinking of something but I didn't ask. I hoped she wouldn't voice it either.

She didn't. 

I'll tell you why I think of Bert after all these years, especially at such a time. 

I'm starting from the very early times. Almost the best of times. 

We were in love.

We were young rockers.

We were party people. 

We were alcoholics. 

We kind of lived that stereotype rockstar life. But it wasn't as fancy as silver screen shows it to be. I was trying to kill myself. He was trying to run away from his troubled mind. But we had each other. I think he was one of the best things to happen to me then. 

At the time I thought he was a hero. A real rockstar and way cooler than I could ever imagine to be despite being five years younger than me. 

Now I think I was stupid. I was just an insecure wannabe. 

He was stupid too. But we're talking about me now. Yeah. I was blind to not see that he loved me. That I loved him. That it wasn't just drinking and fucking. Maybe, with my insecurities, I didn't give thought to the probability, I don't remember. 

With (almost) clear mind I can now count a hundred ways he showed me love. 

Maybe not a hundred but at least twenty. I forgot some shit over the time.

I'll go into detail. I was fucked up before him. I went to an art school in New Jersey, don't underestimate my environmental elements. He actually, besides almost everyone else, encouraged me to get sober.

He used to tell me how he didn't want me to die too. I wouldn't get the reference to his first love then, his girlfriend who died of some substance I can't quite put my finger on now. Yeah, and probably her death was what sent him over the edge to drink himself into stupor before I was in the picture.

Despite not being able to clean his act at the time, he supported me. He tried to show me how people loved me and needed me, how he loved me and needed me. 

After months of being told off, I quit. Right after the incident in Japan, I decided to embrace life and call it quits. He was the first person I called that night. We made plans to meet after my arrival in States. He said he was going to meet me at Newark Airport. But with my sudden sobriety, plans changed. We arrived one day early and I went right into a rehab. I don't know how I could forget to tell him about that. 

After the treatment, I felt like a shell. I felt pathetic for craving it and I deemed doing my homework could cut it. I emptied my liquor cupboards, started going to AA meetings, filled almost every horizontal surface at my apartment with brochures. 

Things got kind of heated in the band then but guys were quite easy on me. There were things they were trying to hide and I mentally tried to prepare for a split or getting kicked out. But the tension (kind of) ended with Matt's leaving. A forced resignation maybe. I still don't know. 

But my internal struggle didn't end like that. I was both terribly missing Bert and dreading the day we would meet eventually. 

I wanted to confront Bert. To make him go sober with me. I wanted to do this with him, like everything else. 

But I didn't have the guts to say anything. 

So when he called me, I told him that hewasabadinfluenceandthatIcouldn'tbearoundhim. . 

He didn't take it well. The rest is history. 

For years people were in my face. "Did Bert McCracken and you break up?", "Why does Bert eat your pictures on stage?", "Some say this is a publicity stunt you two play for record sales, you know?" 

It wouldn't end. I kept just smiling and telling them that Bert was a joker, that we were good. But he ate my pictures on stage. This was not, I don't know, normal? 

I decided he was exaggerating shit. 

I never thought of it as him losing another lover to addiction.

This time there wasn't a grave to cry next to. I was standing tall and and getting congratulated for my sobriety, the band was doing good and my face was everywhere. He probably couldn't get over me when my pictures were in his face all the time so he found other ways to cope. Like eating my pictures.

I think some people even enjoyed the show Bert put on. They brought banners to his shows that said things like "Gerard Way Sucks" 

If only you knew, honey. 

It went on for a while. But can you believe some guy did it even in 2008? Two fucking thousand and goddamn eight. Maybe that guy went into a coma in 2005 and woke up in 2008, who knows. But dude was still an asshole to bring a banner that said "Fuck MCR" 

I saw a picture of it. 

Bert took it from the guy and ripped it apart. I saw pictures of that too. I don't know what exactly Bert said. There wasn't a video or anything of it. Just a thread some girl posted on the internet and Linds showed me with a face that wasn't surprised. 

I wasn't surprised either, but it was still nice to see it. As I told mom, Bert and I made amends a year before that, sometime in 2007.

Actually, events of so called "sometime in 2007" is the reason my mind is itching now. 

It was, almost twenty years ago, when we would make plans for prospective alien invasions, zombie apocalypse or a meteor coming to end the world.

I mean, we weren't that young but we were all geeks. Who could stop us? 

Everyone had a plan for a big meteor threat and I'll tell you that nobody included me in their plans. 

So, keeping my head high, I made mine. I said I was going to drink at the end of the world. And the better part? I asked Bert and he confirmed that he was going to be there with me. And, well, that was the last time we actually spoke. 

So what started as a geeky conversation to fill the silence is actually happening now. Well, it's not quite a meteor but the world is ending. And I don't even know if Bert remembers our scheme. The worse part? I can't get it out of my mind. It popped into my head sometimes last month and I can't get rid of thoughts of being with Bert, at the top of some hill, drinking and watching shit hit the fan. Two of my strong addictions together. That explains cravings, right?

I'm checking his social media accounts on daily basis but he's never been one to use them for the right purpose, which is letting strangers know what you do and when you do it and who you are doing it with.

Bert logs in every once in a while to quote something either from a romantic novel or Communist Manifesto and he is not helping me like that. 

Maybe I'm just too caught up in my reveries, I don't even know. But I don't want to die before at least trying. 

Sometimes I think all it requres is some stupid bravery and I would be at his front door. Whether he takes his coat (or hoodie, in his case) and comes with me or laughes at my face, it would be better than sitting at home and dwelling on my daydreams during these last few months we've got left.

I have a bitter feeling that I'll resort to that only hours before the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to dedicate this to Valerie Lewis who was such an amazing author (she was a real, legit author who also wrote fanfictions too. ) 
> 
> But her website has been down for a while now, so I can't give link to her works but the one that inspired me to write tgis can be found here http://bert-and-gerard.livejournal.com/721319.html


End file.
